I CAN MOONWALK!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Who died my cat blue again?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
