too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
