we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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