we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
