Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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