highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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