you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
