I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
