For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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