My sheets look like a crime scene.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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