Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
