Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
