I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
