can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
