Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
