and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
two words...techno handjob
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
