the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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