hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
