started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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