she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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