well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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