Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
