i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
