My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
