you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
