My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
