Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I believe in your delicious
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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