Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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