I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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