I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
