all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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