he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
