hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
