Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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