garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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