It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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