to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
