Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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