i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
