based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Drunk is a universal language darling
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
