he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
