i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is wine microwaveable?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
