you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
