Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
