ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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