also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
