From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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