I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
