Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
