Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
