I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
