quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
