i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
